YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I understand Curling. That high.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
