I accidentally burped into my bong.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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