Umm I'm too high to move.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
