Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
