I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
