Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
