I hate your face
He kissed a someone with a penis
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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