Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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