Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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