you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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