I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
