Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
