I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
