You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
