you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
