nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
