need another drink. this is the easiest way
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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