I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
We smell like vodka and hangover
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