Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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