i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
