whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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