do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
