He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
