Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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