And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
