You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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