can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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