There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
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It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
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Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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