Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
