She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
