You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
