my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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