I cannot find my penis.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize