i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
