I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
