Taylor Swift is so right about you.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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