i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
