How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
