fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
