I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
