im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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