Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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