i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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