Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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