I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
