Ambien. No doubt about it.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
