So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
