Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
