Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
