...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
