If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
