It's like God shit irony all over that family
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
