I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
