he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
