Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i think i have two assholes
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
she peed on how many people?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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