Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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