he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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