Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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