all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
