They should really pass out barf bags in church
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Please don't give away my fajitas
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
