I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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