I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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