DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
