I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
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Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
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How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I think my moral compass just broke
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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