You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
