is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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