I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
