come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
