Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
