Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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