Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
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He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
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I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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