Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
