If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
