U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
