I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
