She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Life is so much better after having sex.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
