This dress was meant to end up on your floor
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
