While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
